Every bereavement has a chief mourner, I think, for whom the others give their own grief second place, and who becomes the symbol of having lost for those outside an inner circle. The one whose grief overwhelms all others like a wave. Is it simply the one whose grief is most visible? I think that’s a big part of it, even in the most self-aware families, where the quieter or more reserved mourners get check ins, so to speak, but aren’t enfolded in the same awed respect for their hurt.
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